You know those times your kid(s) ask you a question and it just makes your heart almost stop?
“Why is there a God?”
“How come people die?”
You get the point.
For those who don’t know, my journey to motherhood has not been the easiest, most straight forward path. I came into B’s life when he was young (his fourth birthday was the first one I got to spend with him… at McDonald’s and Bass Pro Shop by the way).
For reasons that are his story to tell, I became a full time “mom” to him one month later.
Please don’t misunderstand me, we had a LOT of help from a LOT of people. But, I was the step-mom turned full time over night mom at nineteen years old.
As years passed, B started talking less and less about his “other mom” or “old mom” and in all honesty, we haven’t heard her mentioned more than once in the past two years.
I guess there was a naive-ness there on my part that thought he knew and accepted his reality. I didn’t push it. I didn’t try and talk to him about it. I just let it be since he seemed to be okay with it.
News flash twenty-one year old Sarah, NOT COOL.
On our way home from school last week B asked me “What was Luke’s name going to be when he was a girl?”
I laughed and reminded him of the name Keith and I had excitedly picked out for what we thought would be our baby girl.
I wasn’t prepared for the question that came next.
“Was Bryson the first name you and my dad thought of when you named me?”
I silently thanked God that he asked while I was driving and therefore couldn’t see my expression.
And I did what all good mothers in those situations do.
I was honest in the fact that Bryson would have NEVER been my first choice of a name. Though, I love it because it’s his name.
So, B, here’s the truth behind your name.
Your dad picked Bryson because he had a friend from church / school named Bryson and just always liked it. Your “old mom” picked Davis because it’s a family name. That’s all I know, I wish I could give you more.. was it a great grandpa, a maiden name, etc. I don’t know. But I do know it was a family name.
I didn’t name you, but here is what your name means to me.
Bryson: Son of Brice
Well, now, that doesn’t make any sense because you are the son of Keith. Duh.
But, did you know that Brice means “speckled”.
Which, everyone always points out you are. Not speckled like your dad. Your freckles perfectly cover your nose and upper cheek bone and it’s my favorite.
You are speckled in the fact that while you are small, you tend to leave a mark. Whether it’s your jokes, your ability to friend anyone, or the way you roll with the punches better than any kid I’ve ever met. You leave a part of yourself with everyone you meet. You make this world better, kid. I hope you always do.
Davis: Son of David
Again, not accurate for your name huh?
But did you know David means “beloved”.
And that, you’ve always been.
One day, your story is going to make sense to you. You’ll be old enough to understand all of it, even the stuff Dad and I don’t necessarily want you to know.
And while that will always be a part of you and a part of your truth, so is this:
You are loved. You have always been loved. You will always be loved.
So, where did B. Davis come from (besides the obvious)?
One of my all time favorite shows is One Tree Hill.
By the time you’re old enough to read this and understand it, that show will be so dated you’ll roll your eyes at me and ask “did people seriously wear their hair like that”.
For the record, yes.
My favorite character on the show is a girl named Brooke Davis.
Or, B. Davis.
Brooke goes through a lot throughout her journey on the show and grows so much over the seasons. Just as you have changed with your seasons of life.
She is fun, creative, smart, and loves her friends / family fiercely.
While it always seems like Brooke is in a power struggle to find herself, she still keeps a positive attitude.
I see a lot of you in that character.
To answer your question honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know if Bryson was the first name that came to mind when you were being thought of. I don’t know if there was a fight for one name over another like there was for Luke. What I do know is that your name is one of my now favorite names in this world simply because it’s yours. There are a lot of things about your life that I wish I could explain or give you, and I can’t. Your Baby’s First Christmas ornament… yeah, I ordered that when you were five because you saw that Uncle Matt, Jake, and I all had one on Kaykay and Coaches tree. So, I ordered one and pretended like it got lost in storage. I don’t have many baby pictures of you, but the one I was able to find I ordered in the largest print I could and framed it. You were so excited when I placed the frame on it’s shelf in the living room “is that me??”. I have filled out many forms where all I could do was guess.. what was your first word, how old were you when you first started walking, etc. My heart aches for you that some of those things will never truly be known. I wish I could give you all the answers. But sweet B, here is your truth. You are loved, you are wanted, you are a part of a family that could never and would never be complete without you in it. You’ll hear the saying time and time again “blood is thicker than water”. Let me be the first to tell you, it’s not true. Family is thicker than anything. But family, family isn’t about blood. Family is about who has been there for you since day one. Who has cheered you on in the good times and who showed up in the bad. Who loved you at your worst and who never walked away. You have one heck of a family Bryson Davis. Whether you share a drop of DNA with them or not. I hope you know how loved you are. Luke is the luckiest kid alive to have a big brother like you.
Now, if you don’t stop talking in class and getting in trouble you and I might both be bald before you’re sixteen.
I love you. Today, tomorrow, when you’re thirteen and when you’re thirty. I. LOVE. YOU.
My favorite picture of you, ever. When your sixteen and a punk, I’m going to chose to see you just like this.
Your first soccer game!! Your coach was still the cutest one I’ve ever seen!
One of the few baby pictures I have of you, but gosh were you not the cutest. I think Luke might have some of those cheeks too… I look at you know and wonder where they went!
Kindergarten graduation with Grandmother. She’d be so proud of her “B boy”.
Pre-K graduation. How were you ever that small??
Our first family picture! I think you look the most like your Dad in this one. I secretly hope you always do.. but with my eye color and hair color… just to keep everyone guessing. One of my favorite compliments is to hear “he looks just like you”. I simply smile and say “thank you, you should see his dad” as I give God a wink.